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Oct. 10th, 2007 @ 02:36 pm Time warp!
I cannot get on live journal anymore because it's blocked at work, but I'm at a different office today and it's not blocked on this network.

Anyway I like to read old journals and my one from 2004 is my update from love parade! LOL! What a crazy time that way. I hardly remembered it until I read that journal entry. lol It's weird because when I read old entries that envolve Andy I can see what a fucking ass hole he was, but I never really admitted it to myself at the time. There is always something negative in each one. Not that Dan is always a peach, but I am learning to speak my mind more when I'm unhappy and not let things go like I did back then. Plus Dan would never do the things that Andy did to me. Example...At love parade Andy went out to some club that never closes in San Fransico and did not come home until 8am and did not call or check in with me the entire time he was gone and I was so worried. Dan would never do that to me. Lucky for me, Dan doesn't like clubs. :)
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Jun. 3rd, 2007 @ 08:07 pm disappointed
I can't get on live journal or bluelight at work anymore!

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May. 18th, 2007 @ 08:18 am DD!
I made friends with this girl from craigslist that moved here from Louisiana in the fall and has yet to make any friends either because Cleveland is not friendly. Melissa and I have been emailing back and forth for a few months and I really started to like her. She's really sweet and her southern charm shines through even in her emails. She's also pregnant, which I find fascinating. I have a couple friends with kids, but no one I'm really close to, so I don't know much about being pregnant, since I was not really around during their pregnancies. Did you know that you can't take a really hot bath when you're pregnant? It makes sense, but I guess it's something I never thought of. You also can't go in a tanning bed. I was surprised by this because you wouldn't think that the UV could get to the baby. Maybe the heat is bad too.

I met Melissa at Crocker Park after work and we did a little shopping. First we met in Victoria's Secret. I desperately need new bras. I hate how the cheap ones always fall apart and lose their shape. My bras from Vickey's last forever. So I'm looking at some bras and the girl asks me what size I'm looking for. I told her I couldn't remember what size my other bra in this style was, but I thought it was a 38D. She asks if she can measure me, so I say sure. She measures me at a 38DD! I start laughing and say that all my bras are Ds and Cs. So then they bring me this HUGE bra that you could practically wear as a hat and I laugh and say that it's never going to fit me. They ask me to try it on anyway. To humor them, I try it on. Well...it fits. It's comfortable and looks so much better under my shirt than the bra I had on. Damn. 2 of the sales girls comment on how good it looks and I was amazed too, so I bought the full coverage body bra and some other push up one with skinnier straps, so I can wear it with a tank top. My boobs are HUGE!

Melissa and I had a great time. We had dinner at cheesecake factory and got along really well.

YAY friend!
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May. 14th, 2007 @ 01:24 pm Celebrating my mom and my malibu
Saturday after my horrendous math exam I headed home to be with my mom. When I got there, we headed to the mall and did a little shopping. We also drove through some car dealerships. I bought her a shirt that she really liked for mother's day. Then we went and had ribs at Famous Dave's. It was really good and we had a lot of fun just spending time together. Sunday morning we went and bought some plants for my grandma and my mom bought me a sensitive plant. The leaves curl in when you touch them or when the wind blows. It's cute. Then we picked up grandma and had brunch at the local country club. We had a nice meal and then went shopping. My grandma bought me a whole bunch of stuff. I felt bad because it was mother's day, not kids day, but she insisted.

My mom plans to help make a sizable down payment on a new car for me with the life insurance money since my car has 187,000 miles. haha It's definitely about to die. I will miss my malibu. It's been through many phases in my life.

When I first got it, I was a sophomore in college. I was living in founders with Anne, Angela, Heather, and Lori. I still thought I was going to graduate from college with a journalism degree.

Then Lori and I made countless trips to Toledo to get crazy almost every weekend at Sean and Jake's house and the Bijou.

Then the malibu started to go to raves. Every weekend we would go to either Columbus, Dayton, or Cincinnati.

Andy and I drove the malibu to NYC to party in Brooklyn when it turned 2003. Andy and I drove my car a lot because his car wasn't so great.

Then Andy moved and it was back and forth to Columbus.

In April of 2004 the malibu took Andy and I to Portland where we lived together until November when Andy and I broke up and I moved home. The malibu was shipped back on a semi and from then on out it sounded like an airplane for unknown reasons. Andy claims to have no knowledge of this.

For almost another year the malibu took me back and forth from my parents house to MCO to work until I met Dan.

Soon the I would be living in Cleveland and the malibu would take me back and forth from Cleveland to Toledo to visit my family.

Now, the malibu is old and tired. I think I might get another. :)
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May. 14th, 2007 @ 12:53 pm Gay Quiz

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 2.1

01 2 3 4 5

HeterosexualBisexual Homosexual


This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:

0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more
than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual


The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz
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May. 7th, 2007 @ 11:25 am 2 weeks?
Tomorrow it will already by 2 weeks since the accident. Week 1 passed so quickly, I didn't realize it had been a week until the next day. Time passes by so quickly. I still don't know how to feel or what to say when people talk to me about my dad's death. They ask me how I am and I reply that I'm "okay." Am I supposed to be okay or am I supposed to be a mess? I feel like okay is too good of a way to be considering the circumstances, but if I replied, "I'm bad...Sad...confused," would it really matter? I know people care how I am, but there really aren't words to describe my feelings. Usually I am okay, but I'm still confused. Where is he? Why did this happen? What are we supposed to do now? How should I REALLY be feeling? I just don't know. I guess "lost" would be an appropriate word.

Dan has been wonderful through all of this. He drove me to Toledo the night of the accident. He missed 2 days of classes. He was there. He also held me and made me feel more loved than I've felt from him in a long time. His love and compassion were guinuine and I felt guilty for ever doubting his love for me. There aren't words to describe his loyalty. I'm glad to have him and I'm glad that I've stuck it out when times were tough because he's worth it.

Life is just so messy and I wonder when I'll ever be able to catch a break and I wonder if anyone ever does.

This whole situation overrode weight watchers and I'm considering not doing it anymore. Yes, I did lose some weight, but I'm sick of logging points and keeping track and I was still cheating and just not logging it. What good does that do and what am I really paying for if I can't really do it? I know what I'm supposed to eat. I know about exercising and nutrition. I'm just lazy. I don't need to pay someone to tell me what to do. I'm just going to go it alone. I can't justify paying anyone to help me lose weight, unless it's liposuction. :)

The best thing about my life as of late is my sex life. I think it was Thursday or Friday, Dan and I had sex twice in one day. I couldn't tell you the last time we did that. Then we did it again the next day. Then last night he wanted it again. This may not be exciting to anyone else, but a few weeks ago we were going at least a week inbetween, so there's one positive thing.
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Apr. 27th, 2007 @ 12:03 pm Death
Current Mood: sadsad
Tuesday around 6:30 pm my dad was in a car accident and passed away. I really don't have time to write about everything I'm feeling right now, but I wanted those of you who read my journal to know. We've been really busy and this has just been more horrible than anything I've ever experienced.

Keep me in your thoughts.
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Apr. 23rd, 2007 @ 04:02 pm Almost time to go home!
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Today hasn't been that bad for a Monday. There was a part of the day where I was feeling grouchy, but I get to leave in about 15 minutes, so I'm excited and happy.

I had a really nice weekend. I took Friday off so could start packing, which I did not do. haha I cleaned out my car and then I took all of our unwanted crap to the thrift store. Then I took Henry to the dog park. Saturday, I got up early and did my math homework and then I went to school and had a math test. I think I did pretty well on it. It was the easiest one thus far. After that I went to the laundry mat and did a ton of laundry, which I have yet to put away. haha I took Henry to the dog park again. He was filthy, so I gave him a bath and that was about it for that day. Then Sunday Sarah (neighbor) and I took the dogs for a really long walk around the shaker lakes. I got some sun and we had a good time.

It was a very realaxing weekend, but now I need to get in gear and get this shit packed. Dan is going to take everything he can over to the new apartment on Thursday and then I'm going to take some stuff over on Friday and then Saturday the parents are going to help us move the big stuff.

I did my first day of week 2 for the 5k training. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be. I'm excited that this running isn't killing me. haha I'm really starting to notice myself looking thinner. It's so exciting! I haven't ever really done a diet in my entire life, so this lifestyle change is exciting because it's actually paying off.
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Apr. 18th, 2007 @ 08:35 am grrrr...
Current Mood: dorkydorky
I am grouchy today. I didn't really realize it until I got to work, so I probably just don't feel like working today. Kathy also came back on Monday. Her presence usually annoys me. She asked me if I wanted to car pool to the department meeting today. I can't really say no, but I'd rather not.

Let's talk about something that makes me happy.

-I found someone to sublet the apartment!
-We're moving into our new apartment on the 28th.
-I've lost 14.5 pounds since Christmas.
-Yesterday I completed day 2 of week one for my 5k training and it was much easier. I'm excited to become a runner!
-Dan and I are getting along really well and I'm happy overall.

I think I turned my bad mood around! woo hoo!
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Apr. 13th, 2007 @ 01:38 pm Still analyzing
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
I hadn't had a chance to talk to Heather since a brief chat on Tuesday. She knew that Dan and I had made up, but I didn't really want to get into the whole things with her while Dan was sitting right there. Another reason I'm glad we're moving to a bigger apartment. There really is no privacy in the shit shack. Since she'd not had a propper update, she's still thinking of Monday when I was all over emotional and irrational and blowing everything out of proportion tell her that I was going to leave him and that I was miserable.

I'm not really as miserable as I was admitting to her. I was upset, but I have misconstrewed congative thoughts when I'm really upset or tired and in reality things are not that bad. So anyway, I was trying to explain that to her and she thought I was making excuses for Dan by blaming things on myself, which was NOT what was I was doing. I was making excuses for my behaviors and emotions on Monday.

She still isn't convinced that I'm happy and that Dan and I should be together. She said that I never say nice things about Dan and if I talk about him, they are usually negative things. I tried to explain to her that when you are with someone for a long time the fuzzy cutesy wears off. When once you would melt every time he looked in your direction or even touched your hands you would wet yourself, you get used to his presence. This is especially when you live with that person. It wears off twice as fast. I dated Andy for about a year before we moved in together and there was a definate difference in the romance after we were domestic partnerts. This is one regret about Dan and I moving in together so soon. We interupted out honeymoon period of our relationship and jumped right in to domestication. So now, I see him every day and I sleep in the same bed as him every night. We are poor, so we go few places, we are stressed, so we have few moments to gaze into eachother's eyes or even watch TV together.

She's never been with anyone for more than a year, so she doesn't know what happesn, plus her and Nick didn't live together that long before she wanted to kill him, so she can't possibly understand what reality it really like in a long term relationship.

In other news...I'm showing the apartment to 4 people on Sunday and 1 on Monday! I really hope someone takes it, so we can move out. :)
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